In his book, Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas makes the point over and over again that marriage is the place where we learn what it means not only to love not only our spouse, but all people. He says, “Marriage can be the gym, in which our capacity to experience and express God’s love in strengthened and further developed” (page 40). The quote below reminded me of Pastor Mike’s sermon this week about love and the fulfillment of the law. The apostle Paul wrote: “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Gal. 5:14 ESV).
But Christian love is displayed in loving the most difficult ones to love. Best-selling author Philip Yancey writes, “Through the ages Christian saints have chosen the most unDarwinian objects for their love.” This is in response to Jesus’ call that when we hold a banquet, we shouldn’t invite our friends because they might invite us back and repay us for our hospitality. Instead, Jesus said, invite the lame, the paralyzed, the poor, the blind-those who can’t pay you back (see Luke 14).
That’s what’s so difficult about Jesus’ call to love others. On one level, it’s easy to love God, because God doesn’t smell. God doesn’t have bad breath. God doesn’t reward kindness with evil. God doesn’t make berating comments. Loving God is easy, in this sense. But Jesus really let us have it when he attached our love for God with our love for other people.
In the marriage context, we have absolutely no excuse. God lets us choose whom we’re going to love. Because we get the choice and then find it difficult to carry out the love in practice, what grounds do we have to ever stop loving? God doesn’t command us to get married, he offers it to us as an opportunity. Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God without loving our spouse as well.
Divorce represents our inability to hold to Jesus’ command. It’s giving up on what Jesus calls us to do. If I can’t love my wife, how can I love the homeless man in the library? How can I love the drug addict or the alcoholic? Yes, this spouse might be difficult to love at times, but that’s what marriage is for—to teach us how to love.
Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity for love—to teach you to be a Christian (41-42).